How to set safe sexting boundaries: Lily’s* story
There was this guy, Sam*, who I really liked and when he started texting me I was so, so happy. We would text for hours about all kinds of things – just normal, everyday stuff like school or music or whatever.
But then it became more like sexting. At first I was okay with that.
He would always tell me how beautiful I was and how much he liked things about me, like my eyes and my hair.
Then I got a Skype account and he started asking me to flash him. Even though I really liked him, I didn’t do it. He told me he was okay with that, but it didn’t stop him from asking me about it more and more. He just kept trying to get me to flash him.
So one day, I did. I don’t know why. Maybe I just wanted him to stop asking me. Anyway, when we finished Skyping he texted me saying he was sorry if he pushed me too far.
It felt really good to hear him say this, and it also made me feel more comfortable around him. I decided I didn’t mind flashing him every now and then after all, and we kept Skyping through the summer.
Then one day, everything just stopped. No more text messages, no more Skype. I waited for about a month, and then I started sexting with another guy, Travis*.
Travis was different, though. I didn’t feel the same connection with him. I didn’t even know if he liked me that much. He would never tell me I was beautiful or anything like that, and his texts didn’t make my heart race like Sam’s did.
Travis wanted me to flash him, so I did, but it was kind of awkward. I’d never dated anyone and had never even been kissed, and I started to feel like I wanted a relationship, someone I could feel close to.
But I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t really have anyone I could trust to tell all this to. I didn’t want my friends to know that I’d been sexting with anyone, and my parents aren’t really great at talking about relationships and stuff because they think I’m too young to date.
So I wrote to Kids Help Phone and the counsellor helped me understand what I want from someone in a relationship, and how to set my own boundaries – ones that I’m comfortable with.
I felt so much better about everything after I reached out because the counsellor made realize that I know myself a lot better than I thought.
I’m so glad that Kids Help Phone was there to help me with this. Even now, I still don’t know who I could have talked to about something like this.
*Name has been changed to respect anonymity